For the One Looking for Jesus Outside of a Life of Christian Legalism

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She asked me, "And where do you see Jesus as you wrestle with yourself?'

In the tears, and the anger, and the fear of losing control

I took a deep breath and said,

Near me.

He's near.

I had been wrestling with old versions of myself for a while now.

Old versions and the same old message of a legalistic gospel used for personal gain and the improvement of myself.

New life was being born in me. Christ's hand was at my back and at my front, all the while holding me firmly here and now.

An invitation into servant leadership

for the sake of others.

I was falling out of old skin used for protection

power

security

affirmation

love

personal gain

And into skin made new.

The old ways of how the name of God were used to control me fell by the wayside.

And in the wake, my heart batted open and His Spirit said I am here,

Take comfort.

Rest in me.

I have overcome the world.

I am doing a new thing.

Is he doing a new thing in you too?

How beautiful He is making us to be. 


The Wrestle

by David Tensen


I found you

beyond

the

'why'

Far from

the 'why not'

Worlds from

the 'why me'


You held a space for me

beyond answers

to questions

my pain had

as if you knew

information was

never

going

to

heal

or resolve

or fix

my suffering.


Instead,

you agreed to wrestle

through many nights.

Never letting go.

Always with me

just like you promised.


Refusing to surrender,

I eventually realized

that wrestling with God

was not a crime.

That I was, in fact,

being held.

Being healed.

Being transformed by finding

You beyond answers.

Being blessed

by holding on to you

in my doubt and frustration

and never letting go.


And you never let go.

And you overcame me in the end.

And we both won.

*Illustration by Scott Erickson 

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