To Care and Not to Care

Lately I've been drawn to poetry. It's this way of communicating something deeper, something happening under the surface, under my skin. It's not analytical or argumentative. It's an experience and often quite personal. My spiritual mentor told me once that I could try writing poetry as a way to release control in my life. Journaling had begun to feel like work, like writing complete sentences was too much for me. Sometimes just words, on their own, are written down and maybe they can go together.  Anyway, I've been trying this lately and it's really helped me process things and know what I think. I also think it's pretty cool that over a third of the Bible is written in poetic form. Maybe God wasn't trying to argue His way into our lives. Maybe He was just trying to say that He loves us. So when I was asked to describe how my understanding of the Christian life has transformed in me over time, I wrote this in my journal: My understanding of the spiritua

Dear twenty-year-old me, Oh how I want to shake you and rattle you, wake you up // You're too influenced by others Speak up! Why would I say what I really think if it'll just be squashed? You see, for twelve years I had to ask permission to speak. Cubicles and flags and star charts and memory verses and uniforms and children's minds silently  buzzing questioning swirling. Just figure out the right answer The one that will cause the least amount of disruption. Put on your pretty face and straighten that cross-bow tie and don't forget to mind your elders. Anyway when I met her that freshman year on that college campus,  I want to put my arm around you and protect you. I want to whisper to you that you don't need to rescue to be seen. You see, I was addicted to following the rules and being the good one, I listened and listened and listened. I ate and ate and ate until I couldn't any more. You mean to tell me there's nothing I can do to make Him love me? (Pleas