To Care and Not to Care

Once a month or so, I'm on the worship team at my local church. This past Sunday, I had the humbling vantage point of looking out among our relatively small body, and I saw that she was tired. We had begun to sing "Lean Back" by Capitol City Music ... You will never leave Her body softens Your love sustaining me Before I even knew what love was She inhales You've brought me here to rest And given me space to breathe She exhales So I'll stay still until it sinks in I AM THAT I AM She is I will lean back in the loving arms of a beautiful Father Breathe deep and know that He is good He's a love like no other After the fall, her eyes are opened. Not a fall from grace, but a fall into grace. We must let go of this life to truly find it. Now I can see Your love is better Than all the others that I've seen It's easy to breathe now. I'm breathing deep all of your goodness Your loving-kindness to me Sustained by the e

Christ have mercy for they know not what they do Forgive me Lord for the sleep I wish I had. For the long lazy mornings, slowly waking up. For nights of sound, restful sleep. 4:30am: DADDA! Nathanael pooped. Body tenses. Roll over. Silently hope that Ben takes care of it. 5am: Amos thinks it's time to get up I HATE DAYLIGHT SAVINGS. Can I at least blame something? Forgive me Lord for the sleep I wish I had. For the hot cup of coffee that never gets cold. Cursing the microwave still. For thinking I have the right to live in Eden. No, that I get to go back. For the clean floors and polite children and unspilled cereal. 6am: Amos trips, falls off his stool, all the while spilling his bowl of cereal on top of him and over the stairs. Forgive me Lord for the sleep I wish I had. For my tight fist around comfort. You owe me nothing. And yet, And yet, And yet, you give.