Anxious Amy

I know you all have been enjoying the videos we have posted. What can I say? We’re freaking hilarious. But what you also want to know is, how are WE coming along, living together. It’s been important to all four of us to talk about the interworkings of how it’s really going so that when some of you decide to do this (and we hope you do) you don’t go into it expecting it to be all fun, games and dancing. It’s important to me personally to be transparent because, well… I think it’s stupid that we aren’t, when doing so can help others and free others up to do the same.

Ben’s parents were over one night and his dad, James was saying,(my paraphrase) “You know, when you get married you realize, ‘Wow, I am a really selfish person!’ and then you have kids and God REALLY uses that to show you how selfish you are!” I smiled and nodded thinking, “Yeah, or living with another couple!” I came into this being used to just living with Jay. Our actions for the most part only affected each other. Now, we are in this situation where there are more people to affect and be affected by.

There have been lots of little things that each one of us has had to adjust to. The first month I had a constant low level of anxiety. There were little things that bothered me, not because they were wrong or bad but because they were different. Of course I would prefer everything to be done my way! Of course I would prefer us to go with my shed idea rather than the boys’ idea that I can’t see their vision on! Some of the anxiety came partially from the change of having to consider not just one other person, but three people. Then I had some anxiety from having anxiety because I didn’t like that I cared so much about the shed, or how Janell used the wunder bar to take the tack strips out, or that we are using sponges (more on that later)! Then there was anxiety from not wanting to be the person that everyone hates because she’s so particular, anxiety over finding a balance between becoming more selfless and having my voice heard on what is important to me. Anxiety over figuring out what is important to me and what is just something that rubs me wrong because it wasn’t my idea. And so I’m constantly checking myself and evaluating all this, figuring out what things are a big enough deal to bring up and discuss and what things just aren’t.

Janell wrote, “…Yes, this house will be undergoing a lot of changes, for the better. But the people who make this house a home will also be undergoing changes; changes full of learning how to communicate better, living humbly & selflessly, loving each other & our neighbor, and sharing in each others joys and griefs… In the shelter of each other we are strengthened in all ways. Freeing ourselves from living individually.”

Being refined rarely feels great but it’s always totally worth it.