Day 4: Resistance and The Tree of Life

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Where within myself do I feel the most resistance? 
It's my chest that usually constricts, my heart beating so wildly that it might just burst out if I don't 
Say something
Do something.
Dammit just make yourself known!
Who cares if it gets shut down?
This past decade has been just that.
Making myself known... to God, to myself, to others and to my kids.
I used to merge and shape-shift like lava, until one day I exploded and people near and dear to me were collateral damage.
I really wanted to upload a picture of me from a far off distance, getting lost in the spaciousness of it all. But then I thought no, I'll take one closer, hemmed in by my firey red dogwood. 
I wanted to stand in the rain because I wanted to feel alive.
And isn't that just it? The truth is I will go through life and hurt people and people will hurt me. I'll let people down and they'll let me down. But at least I'll know what it feels like. At least I'll be alive.

( "Just because I'm so horribly conditioned to accept everybody else's values, and just because I like applause and people to rave about me, doesn't make it right. I'm ashamed of it. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of not having the courage to be an absolute nobody. I'm sick of myself and everybody else that wants to make some kind of a splash") 
-J.D. Salinger, Franny and Zooey 

(He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because He delighted in me.)
-Psalm 18:19

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