Comprehending

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Sometimes we have moments (5 seconds, a minute, a night or weeks) in our life when our hands are torn from over our eyes and we realize something. In my most recent "moment" I was more reminded how little control we actually have over our lives. Within the past 5 months, the couple that we were living with and remodeling this house with, have gotten a divorce. Amy has moved out and on with her life, while Jay still lives with us - committed to finish the remodel. The past 5 months have consisted of a lot of tears, confusion, anger, hard work and bouts of rest. And I am consistently running into grace. It's everywhere. Invading my life and the lives of others. It's a beautiful and crazy thing. I believe that this grace is God whom i trust and doubt with my life. When you believe such a beautiful and crazy thing, one has no choice but to throw their hands up and stop trying so hard. It's like everyone is so "worried about the hurry and less about the harm."
Forgiveness is also such a beautiful and crazy thing. When it happens it literally releases you of such self-crippling judgments, that we were never meant to hold on to. 
We certainly had no idea what we were getting ourselves into when we bought this house. But I have no regrets. We are not a perfect people. And when that really hits home, I can like people for who they are. After all, we are more alike then we think we are.

Comments

  1. tac.augustine6/11/13, 9:39 AM

    I had no idea of the situation up there. I will pray and hope for the best for you all and your great endeavor. I applaud Jay for staying with the project despite how painful it must be considering how things have turned out in his personal life.

    Your observations and experiences are wonderful. You are right we are not perfect, although we were meant to be, and now guilty of trying so hard to get to and stay on the path to perfection. Our human will is free to choose how hard that path will be, for it is strong, stubborn and self-centered, and will always contend against God's will. Oddly enough, our moral philosophy and ethical thinking depends on that very same free will - something that escaped me for years. As you so wisely pointed out, grace abounds, but I do not think we run into it, I think it follows us around. To us grace seems transient, but to God grace is ever flowing. To some grace is like puddles to be avoided or stepped in, but I like to think of grace as constant rainfall: it's our choice to seek shelter from it. To put it another way, our soul may be sanctified, but grace is our soul's proverbial kick in the pants. I will pray that God's grace flood your heart and soul, and continue to show you his mercy and goodness.

    ReplyDelete
  2. tac.augustine6/11/13, 9:53 AM

    Nell, I have never thought of you as perfect, but you have always been a good example. The words below embody my memories and image of you.

    People are often unreasonable and self-centered: Forgive them anyway.
    If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives: Be kind anyway.
    If you are honest, people may cheat you: Be honest anyway.
    If you find happiness, people may be jealous: Be happy anyway.
    The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow: Do good anyway.
    Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough: Give your best anyway.
    You see, in the end, it is between you and God: It was never between you and them anyway.

    Words from Mother Teresa

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dustin James6/12/13, 7:11 PM

    That's a courageous post. I am sorry for the sad news. My heart breaks with you.

    ReplyDelete

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