To Care and Not to Care

  For awhile now I've been reading Nick Cave's  Red Hand Files . When I came across them, (thanks to one of my favorite podcasts The Mockingcast . You can gain some backstory about Nick Cave around the 51 minute mark) I was sort of blown away by his humble yet to the point, very gracious responses to questions his fans write in. Some of the questions are funny. Like, "Who do you want to win Love Island?" Nick Cave watches Love Island??? And some are desperate yet common. "What is the point in life?" The latest question a fan asks had me reading in wonder. The audacity! How could someone be so close-minded? Selfish! Controlling! How is Nick Cave going to answer this guy? The question reads like this: "I recently learned that there is a sitting Supreme Court Justice, here in the United States, who is a fan of a musician I love. This musician has passed.  The Justice, in my opinion, is dangerous to this country, and holds views I abhor. I firmly believe, t...

This was a piece I wrote for my good friend Colette Eaton over at  https://coletteeaton.com/ . She's been doing a series on Faith Resiliency in Ordinary Time. She asked me, "How do I see my faith growing and being challenged during this time? How do I see the Holy Spirit moving?" If there's anything certain about 2020, it's certainly not ordinary. And yet, the Church finds itself once again in Ordinary Time - half of the church calendar year! There's nothing new under the sun and God knows that. He isn't afraid. So this is a reminder to myself and to you, whether you find yourself crushed or expanding, to look towards that ever present faith God so graciously gives us. May you press on with hope.  “Pour out your Spirit, Lord : that we might dream your dream.” (From the Book of Common Prayer).   “So I saw that there is nothing better for a man than to enjoy his work, because that is his lot. For who can bring him to see what will happen after hi...

March 19, 2020 // Quiet City This is the first in a series I'm calling "Stay at Home free writes." This is simply to help me process in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic. So this is what it feels like at the end of the world. Or at least, the end of something. Closing, retreating, staying home. Asked to turn inward while others must remain outward, helping and saving. Today, I heard Nancy Ives, the principal cellist of the Oregon Symphony perform Bach's prelude to Cello Suite no. 3. There was no audience. Just her and the host of Portland's All Classical radio station. It was somber and brought me to tears. I felt sneaky driving to Home Depot to buy dirt and jasmine to plant. Something to watch grow while so much dies around me. I also watch my boys grow, (mostly) oblivious to why they have to stay home so much. How will this time shape them? How will I allow this time to shape me? I go back and forth between feeling like the world is ending and ha...

Once a month or so, I'm on the worship team at my local church. This past Sunday, I had the humbling vantage point of looking out among our relatively small body, and I saw that she was tired. We had begun to sing "Lean Back" by Capitol City Music ... You will never leave Her body softens Your love sustaining me Before I even knew what love was She inhales You've brought me here to rest And given me space to breathe She exhales So I'll stay still until it sinks in I AM THAT I AM She is I will lean back in the loving arms of a beautiful Father Breathe deep and know that He is good He's a love like no other After the fall, her eyes are opened. Not a fall from grace, but a fall into grace. We must let go of this life to truly find it. Now I can see Your love is better Than all the others that I've seen It's easy to breathe now. I'm breathing deep all of your goodness Your loving-kindness to me Sustained by the e...

For at least this past year, I've been wanting to try and put into words the beginning of a dream and how that dream became a reality. I'm not the best writer and I know that shouldn't matter but I always let it get in the way of me writing anything. The other struggle for me is that I have a lot of input in my life and not a lot of output. I love gathering information, thoughts, pictures, stories of purpose. But the thing is this, they're starting to get all muddled and I'm forgetting what their purpose was in the first place. And I really don't want to forget. I don't want to forget what my and my husband's dream was and how suddenly we've found ourselves doing a little bit of what we were made to do. So with this written piece of transition, this blog will take on a different purpose.  Our house now is serving as a space for sabbaticals and rest for people involved in the never-ending work of the Gospel. These are people who have been sent out b...

(This first part is written by ben). So I've started. The Decemberists are rounding the needle and in the room behind me as i write this, my very first blog. It's possible that it will be my final entry as my contemporary seems to be F. Scott--thanks a lot Jay. Now onto our story: Janell and I met on a warm early summer's day, as teenagers, in the back of a stuffy chapel at camp. Our lives in full swing, we lived for each moment. Making experiences last and amplifying all our senses. The summers seemed hotter then, the food was better (or worse), the nights were longer and each movie was more formative. Along with all of this, our relationships seemed much more meaningful. As you know, (or not) we married after 5 or so blissful and arduous years of dating. Soon after I worked to provide at many-a-terrible job where the only value was the dollar made and the friends found. As Janell finished her degree at Multnomah Bible College we began to ask the age-old question, "...

(This first part is written by ben). So I've started. The Decemberists are rounding the needle and in the room behind me as i write this, my very first blog. It's possible that it will be my final entry as my contemporary seems to be F. Scott--thanks a lot Jay. Now onto our story: Janell and I met on a warm early summer's day, as teenagers, in the back of a stuffy chapel at camp. Our lives in full swing, we lived for each moment. Making experiences last and amplifying all our senses. The summers seemed hotter then, the food was better (or worse), the nights were longer and each movie was more formative. Along with all of this, our relationships seemed much more meaningful. As you know, (or not) we married after 5 or so blissful and arduous years of dating. Soon after I worked to provide at many-a-terrible job where the only value was the dollar made and the friends found. As Janell finished her degree at Multnomah Bible College we began to ask the age-old question, "...